


Star of Wonder

by KareliaSweet



Series: Hannigram Holidays [1]
Category: Adam (2009), Hannibal (TV), Jagten | The Hunt (2012)
Genre: Christmas, Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, Fluff, Holidays, Kissing, Lucas really deserves a happy ending, M/M, Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:12:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5519942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KareliaSweet/pseuds/KareliaSweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas takes a trip to New York for the Christmas holidays to forget the pain of his past. There, he meets Adam Raki, and an unexpected romance blossoms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mokuyoubi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokuyoubi/gifts).



> For mokuyoubi, for the Hannigram Holiday Exchange, who requested a much-deserved happy ending for dear Lucas. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this my dear, and all the frothy fluffiness that comes with it! Happy Holidays!
> 
> Chapter 1 is SFW, Chapter 2 is Explicit
> 
> (I decided to keep Adam in New York for this because Christmas in New York just seemed much more romantic)

_12 Days Until Christmas_

The man has been sitting on the bench for three days now.

Not consecutively, Adam notes, just for an hour or so every night. He strolls through the park, sits on a bench - always the same one, and stares at the stars.

He looks like a nice man - quiet, with sensible glasses and a fringe that occasionally falls over his forehead. He dresses tidily, bundled up just properly enough in a way that suggests he’s used to the cold. He wears the same red scarf every night, it looks soft, comfortable.

Adam wonders where he came from.

It's none of his business, he knows that, but something about this man pulls at his intrigue more than he's used to. Maybe it's just because he's looking up at the stars, but something about him makes Adam think of safety, comfort, and warm evenings by the fire.

He wants to ask if he knows which stars he's looking at, and on the third night, Adam decides to approach him. When he gets close, though, he sees that the man is crying. He's a scant five feet away, too close to suddenly alter his course without attention, and he freezes, unsure of which foot to move next.

The man looks up at him and gives a quick, curt wipe at his face. Adam stares at him and says nothing. He tries to say 'are you alright', or anything at all really, but the words wedge themselves in his throat, and before the man can open his mouth, Adam starts to walk away.

He stops for a second, perched on the ball of one foot, and turns over his shoulder.

"Um, Merry Christmas," he says in a rush of breath. That's something people say to each other, he knows it is. You can say that to a stranger. He nods to himself briskly and walks away.

He doesn't see the tiny smile take root, or how it spreads slowly to erase some of the sadness from the man’s eyes.

-x-

_11 Days Until Christmas_

Tonight he's perched on the end of the bench, almost as though he's indicating that he would welcome the company. He's holding a large thermos and sips at its contents, nostrils exhaling little white plumes in the cold. When he sees Adam approaching he tilts his head in greeting.

Adam tugs his scarf up over to his chin and sits next to him.

"Do you - do you know constellations?" he asks quietly. His teeth are chattering a little and he tucks his hands under his arms.

The man smiles, just briefly, a little thing that almost passes by unnoticed.

"Not really," he replies, "I just like looking at the stars."

His accent is thick, European, Adam thinks.  He feels a light nudge through the layers of his many sleeves. The man is proffering the upturned lid of his thermos, a makeshift cup filled with a steaming sweet-smelling liquid.

"Would you like some hot chocolate? It's very cold out tonight."

Adam lips purse in thought, at the sensibility of accepting hot chocolate from a stranger, but it is terribly cold and this man doesn't seem dangerous at all. He seems kind. Adam takes the cup, and the tips of their gloved fingers brush together.

"Thank you," he murmurs, and takes a little sip.

It's the best hot chocolate he's ever tasted. He wants to say so, but his words stick again. Instead, he nods agreeably at the cup and takes another drink before handing it back. The man stays his hand and pours a little more for him, and Adam gives him a small smile of thanks. When their eyes meet properly Adam sees something that he can't quite put a name to. He looks away, down at his hands tucked with the cup in his lap.

"Why did the stars make you cry?"

The man laughs lightly at that and takes a swig from the lip of the thermos.

"That's a good question."

Adam brightens, pleased that he hasn't offended as he often (accidentally) does.

"Lucas."

It's an odd response, and Adam's brows knit, perplexed, but then he sees the man holding out his hand.

"Lucas," he says again, and Adam reciprocates the shake.

"Adam."

"It wasn't the stars that made me cry," Lucas continues, "well, in a way it was. A memory of the stars that holds sadness."

"Oh."

Adam isn't quite sure how else to respond to that, trying to assimilate the information that has been fed to him, trying to determine how memories can hold emotion. He wants to ask for clarification, but he doesn't want the man to give him the look he always gets for asking questions like that.

As if sensing his confusion, Lucas shifts a little closer and points up to the sky over Adam's shoulder.

"The last time I looked up at those stars there, I was very sad. Looking at the stars made me remember that feeling. Does that make sense?"

"Almost," he says honestly, then, "thank you."

They sit together in silence, watching their breath fog into mist as it carries up to the twinkling black.

"You're not from here."

"No," Lucas nods, "Denmark."

"You speak English very well."

He hopes he doesn't sound patronizing, it's an honest observation, and Adam is pleased when the man thanks him.

"It's mandatory in our schools," he explains, "but it's been a while since I've practiced."

"Is that why you're here? To practice your English?"

Lucas chuckles lightly. "No - well, yes, I suppose, but I'm here on holiday."

"Holidays aren't supposed to be sad."

"They're not," Lucas agrees, "but I'm not sad every day."

He takes another drink and swallows quietly. "And I'm less sad here than I would be at home."

He says the word 'home' like it tastes bitter and unpleasant. Adam frowns.

“You should change your home, then. You should find one that doesn’t make you sad.”

Lucas smiles ruefully. “If it were that easy, I think I would.”

Adam looks at him over his shoulder, and questions start to buzz alight in his brain. He can’t quite figure out why home could make anyone so sad, especially someone who seems as kind as Lucas. All of the commotion in his mind starts to set him on edge, he wants to ask the right question but he’s not entirely sure what that is, and the last thing he wants to do is say the wrong thing. He finishes the last of his hot chocolate and hands the cup back to Lucas.

"Thank you," he says again, "this was very good."

He stands and pulls his jacket closer to stave off the chill.

"It's very cold, so I’m going to go now. I hope you have a nice holiday." He begins to walk away, but he feels unfinished, so he turns back to Lucas. He is smiling gently. It’s a very nice smile.

"I think I’ll come back tomorrow,” Adam says, leaving his invitation hanging in the air.

"Good," Lucas replies with a little incline of his head, "I’ll be here."

-x-

_10 Days Until Christmas_

Lucas arrives early to the park the next night. He knows there are a million other things he could be doing in New York, that he barely knows Adam, but their conversation has been so simple and honest, and Lucas has missed that. It's nice to have someone look at him like an ordinary human, not with the weary eyes of distrust that have bored into him for the past year. It gets tiring, taking apart the words of his friends and examining them for hidden meanings and allegations before reassembling them.

Lucas finds he is very tired these days.

It is with pleasant surprise that he finds Adam already sitting before he arrives, a tablet in his hand and his own thermos. He waves from within the cocoon of his overcoat, his hands round grey blobs under his thick mittens.

"Hi, Lucas!"

Lucas smiles, wider than he expected to, and sits next to him.

"Hello, Adam."

He looks at him properly, or as properly as he can as embedded within his winter wear as he is. He has striking blue eyes that pierce, but not uncomfortably so, and dark curly hair that peeks out from under the hood he has pulled almost to his eyebrows.

Lucas imagines that, underneath his layers, Adam must be a very beautiful man. He tries to shake the thought loose, a stray observation from another time in his life that is long forgotten, but it sticks in a little corner of his brain as he sits.

"What did you bring with you?" Adam veritably lights up with joy as he pulls a mitten off with his teeth and punches in the code on his iPad.

"I thought that I could show you what some of the constellations are. I know all of them by heart but this is really useful – sometimes I talk too fast and this helps if I get carried away."

He jabs a finger at one of the applications and the screen comes alive with a simulation of the night sky. Adam holds it up over his head and tilts his chin at Lucas.

"See," he says, "it names everything. Stars and constellations and satellites and – here” he swipes a few times and the stars move with him, “you can move through it too. Like you’re traveling through space."

His smile is wide and infectious as he strolls through the galaxy and Lucas looks at him in wonder, touched that Adam had thought so much of him as to bring this little gift. He cranes his neck to look up at the tablet, at the sky above it, and watches in fascination as neatly labelled constellations blink into view.

"Adam," he breathes, "this is very beautiful. Thank you."

"That's Cassiopeia," Adam's excitement is wonderfully apparent, "you might already know that one."

Lucas listens intently as Adam continues to gently educate, pointing out each constellation and explaining the paths of the satellites. He finds himself catching glimpses of Adam's face, suffused with breathless fascination. It's beautiful, and moving that he deigned to share this.

For a moment, it brings back the feeling of home that Lucas had thought long gone.

True to his word, Adam does talk quite quickly, but he stops every few sentences to make sure Lucas is still following. Lucas thanks him periodically, explaining that he’d love to share this with his students. Adam’s face lights up when Lucas tells him he’s a teacher, and he puffs with pride at the thought that he might contribute to his class in some way.

After half an hour, maybe more, Lucas finds that they are pressed quite closely together. It's hard to feel anything through the many layers of coats and sweaters between them, but still, it's nice, a steady comfort of touch. He leans a little closer as Adam points out Monoceros, and feels a little puff of Adam's breath on his cheek.

Lucas stills, suddenly unsure of what to do. It's been far too long since he's been so close to another person without them immediately putting distance between, and he feels his throat tighten and heat spread through his chest.

He blinks a couple of times and shifts himself so that they are no longer quite breathing each other's air, content in the simple press of shoulder to shoulder. Adam leans just a little, continuing his impromptu science lesson with unflagging enthusiasm.

When he tires, Adam pulls out his thermos and offers Lucas his own hot chocolate. He explains that it was made with little powder packets and hot water, that it won't be as good as what Lucas made, but he'd like to share it anyway, and the smile that spreads wide over Lucas’s face feels so good it hurts.

-x-

_9 Days Until Christmas_

They hadn’t even asked, had both just expected to find each other at the bench, so there’s little surprise when they meet. They greet each other warmly, Lucas brings spiced cider this time and Adam quizzes him on the stars. Lucas gets nearly all of them correct.

"How long is your holiday?"

Adam asks because he’s interested, because he enjoys Lucas’s company and, secretly, because he hopes it’s a very long holiday indeed.

"I return on December 26th." Lucas stops short of staying 'home', he still doesn't like the way it sits on his tongue like something rotten.

"Oh."

Adam almost sounds disappointed, but Lucas knows he must be mistaken in reading that. They barely know each other; it would be absurd to think he would be missed.

"Have you been to the Natural History Museum yet?"

Lucas shakes his head.

Adam coughs, a brief snuffle that comes close to sounding nervous.

"Would you like to come with me tomorrow? I thought maybe you enjoy it, since you’re a teacher."

Lucas doesn’t ask if this is might be a date – something he’s admittedly rusty with – but he’s quite sure he knows what he’d like the answer to be. Every interaction with Adam leaves him with a deeper need to know him better. He doesn't think he's ever met a person so refreshingly honest and yet genuinely kind.

"I would love to come with you, Adam."

This time, the smile catches between them both and pulls hard.

-x-

_8 Days Until Christmas_

They meet at the doors of the museum as it opens, Adam is without his thick overcoat for the first time. Lucas is unsurprised to find his suspicions prove correct; Adam is exactly as beautiful as he thought him to be.

They spend the entire morning in the Rose Center for Earth and Space, and Adam's boisterous excitement never lets up. He takes Lucas by the hand and near drags him to the Hayden Planetarium to catch a show, and Lucas spends equal parts it watching the screen and Adam's face, illuminated by the light of the universe.

Above him, Lucas watches galaxies form from nothing, and he thinks it's a little like falling in love.

On a whim, he pops into the gift store when Adam takes a bathroom break. He makes a quick purchase and slips the evidence into his coat pocket, erasing the secret smile from his lips when Adam returns.

They eat lunch in the museum food court, tucking into acceptable sandwiches and discussing their findings of the day. Adam asks Lucas where he'd like to explore that afternoon, and they map out a meticulously detailed plan of which exhibits they'll visit next. It’s no accident that, with their itinerary, they find they'll be spending the entire day together.

In the Hall of Meteorites, Adam accidentally brushes his fingers against Lucas’s hand and a spark strikes under his skin. Lucas lets their hands touch again, holding the contact for just a moment longer. Out of the corner of his eye he catches the shy smile Adam points to the floor and his chest expands to brightness.

They stay until the museum closes and stand on the steps after, nervous as schoolgirls in the waning dark.

"This was fun," Adam says, and he doesn't say how he's not ready for the day to end yet.

"Yes it was," Lucas agrees, and he doesn't ask if Adam would like to come to his hotel, just for dinner, or maybe more.

Adam shuffles his feet together and examines his toes. He thinks of the last time he made a bold overture to someone he liked, how badly that went, and he bites his lip, hard.

He wants to ask Lucas so many things.

Desperate to grasp at any old straw, Lucas touches a gentle hand to Adam's elbow.

"Have coffee with me tomorrow?" He tries to phrase it as a question, not an instruction, but he really isn't ready to take no for an answer.

"Yes!" Adam chirps immediately, equal parts relief and gladness. He grins and when his gaze sets on Lucas both of their hearts skip a beat.

-x-

_7 Days Until Christmas_

He doesn't want to tell Lucas. Adam knows the looks he gets when he tells people, like he is a broken thing, like he isn't a functioning thirty-two-year-old man who is entirely capable of managing his own life and has for several years, thank you very much.

But he really likes Lucas.

He thinks maybe Lucas likes him too – he’s grown better at understanding people and all of the signs seem to point to yes. Adam knows, though, that it's only a matter of time before he says something that will cause Lucas to make  _that face_ , the face people make that means 'what the hell is wrong with you'. Adam likes Lucas’s face and he doesn't want to see it turn into that.

He doesn't overthink why he likes his face so much, he just does, and he his thoughts certainly don’t linger over the fact that he'll be gone in a week.

They meet for coffee at a little bakery near his apartment that Adam likes. He knows it's not the best coffee, but it's safe and close, and if everything goes horribly wrong at least it's a short walk home.

Adam orders a peppermint mocha, Lucas a hot tea and a slice of coffee cake that he offers to share. Lucas pays for them both and Adam takes this as a good sign.

"I like spending time with you," Adam says bluntly, and it doesn't knock Lucas off his seat. He just smiles warmly and folds his fingers around his mug.

"I know. I like spending time with you as well."

"Why?"

Adam's frown isn't churlish, it's borne of a genuine lack of understanding, and Lucas feels his heart ache that someone so remarkable has not been told so a million times over.

"You're easy to talk to, you're honest. I enjoy learning new things from you, and you're good at teaching them. You're very kind as well." Lucas pauses and takes a sip from his tea, steeling his courage more than anything else. "I suppose it doesn't hurt that you're very handsome."

Adam's eyes widen and he looks positively flabbergasted.

"You think I'm handsome?"

Lucas feels the blush that should not be colouring the cheeks of a man his age. "I do, yes."

Adam looks down at his own mug, a pleased smile teasing his mouth. "I think you're handsome, too," he says, and Lucas knows unfailingly that he means it, that he isn't saying this out of obligation or pity. He suddenly feels light, like he could blow away at the slightest whisper of air.

He wants to reach for Adam's hand and take it gently, just to hold and nothing more - for now – but before he can reach he sees Adam’s brow crinkle, his eyes clouding with a simmering storm.

"There's something I need to tell you," Adam says stiffly, his knuckles whitening against his mug with tension.

Lucas swallows the sudden knot in his throat, dreading the next words to come, praying that they aren’t _I like you, but I don’t like you in that way_.

"What is it?"

"I have this thing, it's called Asperger's Syndrome…"

Adam’s voice goes tight as he tries to explain in detail, about how sometimes he doesn’t know what people are thinking and how his unfailing honesty sometimes upsets people, even when he doesn’t mean to. He tells him that he’s gotten better at understanding people but sometimes it’s still hard. Lucas knows better than to laugh at the relief that floods through him, and he sets a firm hand over Adam's rigid one, hoping to loosen the tension with his touch.

"Adam," he says calmly, "I knew that."

Adam goes pale with shock, his fingers completely still under Lucas’s own.

"How did you know?" he asks quietly.

"I was a teacher for a long time," Lucas tells him, "I understand autism."

"But-," Adam starts to sputter a little, a frown of confusion spreading over him, "but you didn't say anything."

"Why would I? You're you, Adam. I like you. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Well, _I_ know that." His eyes are still set firmly to the table. "Not everyone does."

"I do."

The two simple words hit hard at Adam's heart, and his hand softens under Lucas’s warm one. Their fingers loop together easily and Adam sighs heavy with relief.

"I thought once I told you, you'd look at me different."

Lucas feels the weight of Adam's words, tries to shut out the pain in his own heart at what they would mean from his own lips.

He thinks of home, or what it used to be, and how everyone there looks at him differently now.

He doesn't have to tell Adam, he could spend every day with him until he leaves and he wouldn't have to know. The thought that he would start looking at him with distrust and judgment fills him with fear.

But, Lucas thinks - _knows_ – that after Adam was so forthright, it's the right thing to do.

He splits the last bite of coffee cake with Adam and asks if he'd like to go for a walk.

They stroll through what they both now secretly think of as _their_ park, remarking on the pleasant differences that shine in the daylight. They walk for an hour, maybe more, in comfortable silence, until Lucas steels his nerves.

"There's something I should tell you as well, Adam," he says, slow and careful.

Adam has an arm looped through his elbow like it's the most natural thing in the world, and Lucas leans on the touch for courage. Adam nods gently beside him.

"What is it?"

The words unspool shaky and hesitant, laced with the fear of judgment and the pain of remembrance. He tells Adam about Klara, the terrible thing she accused him of, and worse, how quickly everyone had decided to believe it. He tells him about Theo, the friendship that had been broken and healed with ugly scars. He doesn't leave anything out, not even the darkest parts, and how angry he was, how deeply, irreversibly hurt. He tells him about the supermarket and Adam flinches. He hears his voice catch when he talks about the church at Christmas, and Adam squeezes his arm. He admits that he doesn’t think his relationships with any of them will ever be quite the same, even with his own son.

He stops walking as he draws to a close and turns to face Adam head-on.

"I swear, I never touched her," Lucas says, and the tears swell heavy.

Adam just looks at him, his own eyes nothing but gentleness and understanding.

"Okay," he says, "I believe you."

He doesn't ask questions, he doesn't look at him any differently. This brilliant, remarkable man who has no reason to believe in him for any reason at all, just does.

Lucas thinks of galaxies forming and begins to cry.

Adam reaches to hold him, uncertain at first, then firmer as he feels Lucas clutch at him. He doesn’t understand why anyone would believe a man as honest and kind as Lucas could ever do something so terrible, especially when Lucas so clearly said that he didn’t, but he doesn’t ask questions, not when he can provide comfort instead.

When he is calmer, Adam dabs gently at his face with the ends of his scarf.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Lucas.”

Lucas watches him clear the tears away, so focused and attentive, and his heart swells to bursting. He rests warm hands on Adam’s shoulders and meets his eyes.

“Thank you,” he says, unsure which of the hundred things about Adam Raki he is grateful for the most.

-x-

_6 Days Until Christmas_

They spend the morning at the Guggenheim. It’s foolish, they both think, that they should spend every day together after knowing each other so briefly, but the alternative somehow seems far more foolish. Adam wanders the exhibits with rapt eyes, leaning on Lucas’s arm. The affection they’ve slipped into surprises them both with how easy it is, but they don’t question it.

When they stop for lunch, Adam invites Lucas to a Christmas party that evening.

“My friend Harlan is hosting it,” he says, “you’ll like him.”

Lucas says yes, mostly for Adam, but also because it’s been a long time since he’s been welcome to a party, especially one at Christmas. He stops at a bodega on the way and buys a case of beer. It’s not the most festive offering, but he doesn’t want to arrive completely empty-handed.

He arrives at the door sweaty-palmed and nervous, and his hand hesitates at the wood before knocking. He hopes to God that Adam is already inside. Harlan answers the door with a wide and friendly grin, an orange paper party hat perched lopsided on his head.

“You must be Adam’s friend,” he booms, pulling him in for a hug with a hearty clap to his back, “Lucas, is it?”

“Yes.” Lucas returns the embrace with a tentative smile and holds forth the proffered alcohol. “I brought you some beer, I hope that’s alright.”

Harlan grins wider. “Course it’s alright, when is beer ever wrong?”

They both laugh and Harlan ushers him further inside. Lucas scans the room and the unfamiliar but receptive faces, a few women give him an appreciative glance. Further out, through the glass of the balcony, he sees a thin frame leaning over the railing, chin tilted up to the stars.

As if attuned to his gaze, Adam turns and Lucas feels his breath catch in his throat.

A smile paints itself beautifully across his mouth, genuine and fond. Lucas swears he can see his eyes light up. He’s wearing jeans and a truly awful Christmas sweater, a vivid red with an ill-knit pattern of a reindeer emblazoned across the front. A red paper hat sits just a little too wide on his head, slipping down to catch on his eyebrows. Adam keeps shoving it up with his palm, but the thin paper insists on drooping. He looks wonderful. It is maddeningly endearing, and Lucas sees the swirl of the forming cosmos in his eyes.

He crosses to the balcony as fast as he can without bowling the other guests over and they stare at each other for a long moment, the air thrumming between them before Lucas builds up the nerve to speak.

“You look very handsome,” he murmurs.

Adam ducks his head. “You too.”

They both smile, they can’t stop smiling, the atmosphere around them is alive with merriment and Lucas simply refuses to tear his eyes away from the blue ones that shyly meet his.

Adam leads him inside and introduces him to the few acquaintances he knows in passing. They make cheery small talk and all the while Adam keeps his arm tucked into the crook of Lucas’s elbow. Harlan makes his way back to them, thanking Lucas again for the beer and offering them each a drink. Lucas accepts and Adam takes the orange soda Harlan keeps ready for him.

Lucas can feel the restlessness start to claw its way under Adam’s skin, he understands the signs, and Adam accepts his invitation to join him back on the balcony with great relief. It’s desperately cold and Lucas wraps his arm snugly around Adam’s shoulders without thinking twice. Adam nudges in closer and leans his head against Lucas’s chest.

“I don’t think I’m gay,” Adam says, and it’s so sudden and matter of fact that Lucas almost laughs.

“Adam, what-”

“But I want to kiss you,” he blurts out, looking up at Lucas with searching eyes. “Do you want to kiss me?”

Lucas smiles softly and tucks a finger under Adam’s chin, tilting up.

“Yes,” he replies, and brings their mouths together.

It’s been years since he’s kissed a man, but it doesn’t feel any different, it feels like a kiss, warm and welcome and sweet. It stays chaste, mindful as they are of the company around them, but a quiet passion hums through them both, threatening to unbottle itself. Adam slips a little moan from his throat and he pushes onto his toes, wrapping his fingers into the lapels of Lucas’s jacket. Lucas tucks one of Adam’s curls around his finger and strokes his cheek. When they part, Adam has a rosy blush that has nothing to do with the cold.

“That was nice,” he says quietly, and Lucas gently bumps their noses together.

“Yes,” he agrees, “very nice.”

Adam frowns academically and purses his lips.

“Maybe I am gay.”

Lucas laughs and pulls him into his arms.

“It doesn’t matter what you are, skat,” he whispers, “so long as you’re with me.”

Lucas thinks of the days he has left and his stomach sinks a little. He holds Adam tighter and kisses the top of his head.

They leave the party a little after midnight, hand in hand. Lucas offers to walk Adam home and they name the stars along the way.


	2. Chapter 2

_5 Days Until Christmas_

By the time they reach the door of Adam’s apartment, it’s close to one in the morning. They kiss good night, warmer and deeper now that they aren’t surrounded by partygoers. Adam loops his arms around Lucas’s neck pressing closer and closer until he breaks free for breath, panting against Lucas’s throat.

“Would you like to come in?”

Lucas knows that the noble thing would be to say no, but he’s not sure how deep nobility runs when you’re running on borrowed time.

He says yes.

He can barely keep his mouth away from Adam’s as he unlocks the door, hands slipping around his waist and teasing under the hem of his godawful reindeer sweater. He sucks at Adam’s pulse as he fumbles with his keys, and once he hears the click of the lock he shoves the door open and Adam with it, pinning him to the nearest wall.

Adam makes a surprised squeak and quickly melts against him, mussing Lucas’s hair and sending his glasses askew. Lucas’s hand ventures further under Adam’s sweater, ghosting over the line of his ribs.

Adam giggles.

Lucas breaks from his kisses to peer at the man beneath him.

“Adam…” his voice is low and hints at delightful danger, “are you ticklish?”

Instead of replying, Adam ducks under the cage of his arms, quickly locks the door behind them, and runs. Laughing, Lucas gives chase. Adam keeps slipping out of the edge of his grasp, his movements liquid-quick as he evades capture. Lucas follows him to the bedroom and they play a game of chicken as they face off on opposite sides of the bed. Lucas darts left, then right, left and left again, Adam mirroring his motions and giggling all the while.

Suddenly, Lucas dives forward, catching Adam about the waist and pulling him down to the bed, pinning him beneath. His hands dance about Adam’s sides and he squirms, laughter spilling out of him.

Adam wheezes and tries to draw his knees to his chest, but Lucas stops him, shoving his own knee between Adam’s legs and holding him still. The sudden change in position causes Adam’s growing hardness to push against his thigh, and they both freeze. The air around them fills with a static charge, hot and electric, and Lucas can feel every hair on his body stand to attention.

Adam looks up at him with crystal blue eyes and sucks his lower lip into his mouth, biting and releasing.

“Lucas,” he breathes, tilting his hips up to seek firmer contact, “please.”

There are worlds and worlds within that please. Please touch me now, please never stop touching me, please kiss me and hold me, please do something, anything, because if you don’t touch me now I might die.

Lucas is more than happy to oblige. He bows low and captures Adam’s lips with his own, kissing soft and tender. Adam spreads his hands over Lucas’s back, under his shirt, stroking his skin and rucking up the fabric. As their tongues slide together, Adam brings a hand round to Lucas’s front, catching at his navel before daring lower to palm his erection. Lucas stutters out a broken moan and presses into Adam’s touch, lips shifting to trace along the line of Adam’s jaw.

They rut up against each other, a little clumsy with the layers between them, but content to slowly explore with the newness of discovery. Adam sucks Lucas’s earlobe into his mouth, testing the waters with a little bite, and is rewarded with a pleased rumble from deep in Lucas’s chest.

It doesn’t take long for them to begin thrusting frenetically against one another. Lucas frames Adam’s face with one large hand and Adam turns his head to the touch, sucking a finger into his mouth. When he looks up at Lucas with hooded eyes and sucks harder, Lucas groans, ducking to kiss Adam’s plush mouth around his own finger, and comes. Adam’s hips buck desperately once, twice, then he too cries out his release, fisting a hand in Lucas’s hair and pulling him close.

“Oh,” Adam breathes as they begin to resurface, “that was very…” his face heats with a blush, “I’ve never done that before. Was I good?”

Lucas gently hushes him with a kiss. “Dearest, you were perfect.”

They clean themselves up and Lucas replaces his ruined boxers with a snug pair of Adam’s own. As they settle into bed together, Adam spoons against the curve of Lucas’s chest, twining their joined fingers over Adam’s heart. Lucas soothes him to sleep with soft kisses to the nape of his neck and breathes in the scent of him, the unique linen-y Adam scent that’s quickly starting to smell like home.

They sleep through most of the morning, stirring only briefly to nuzzle gossamer butterfly kisses, until the afternoon light begins to slant through the blinds. When they finally rise, Lucas asks Adam if he’d like to go to Rockefeller Center with him to see the Christmas tree.

Adam doesn’t really want to go, he’s seen it plenty of times before, but he wants to be with Lucas. He says yes.

They take the subway, it’s dreadfully crowded, and Adam stays glued to Lucas’s side more for protection than affection. He runs a steady hand up and down his side to keep him grounded.

When they get to the tree, Lucas’s eyes light up, amplified by the glow, and Adam thinks he looks like a new constellation. Afterwards, they go ice skating. Lucas holds Adam’s hand tight, and every time he comes close to falling, Lucas catches him.

“I liked sleeping next to you,” Adam says as he unlaces his skates, “will you sleep next to me tonight?”

Lucas says yes.

He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

-x-

_4 Days Until Christmas_

Lucas wakes to see Adam neatly folding a blanket and adding it to a stack by the bed.

“Good morning,” he mumbles. Adam pauses his work to cross to the bed and give Lucas an affectionate kiss. Lucas follows with several of his own, before swinging his legs out and climbing from the bed, one hand stroking Adam’s back. “What are you doing with those blankets?”

“I thought we could go for a picnic today. I know it’s cold, but we can bring these to keep us warm.” he gestures to the growing stack. “I remember you said at the museum when we were having lunch that you’d always wanted to have a picnic in Central Park and I thought you might like to do that with me, but if you don’t that’s okay, we can do something else instead and-”

Lucas pulls him into his lap, silencing him with a kiss.

“That sounds perfect, skat,” he says, nuzzling his temple, “thank you.”

“What does _skat_ mean?” Adam asks, fingers tracing Lucas’s jaw, “that’s the second time you’ve called me that.”

“It’s Danish. It means ‘darling’,” he strokes Adam’s hair fondly, “or dearest. It’s a word for someone you care about.”

Adam smiles and a blush teases over his cheeks and the tip of his nose

“And you care about me?”

Lucas places a kiss to each delicate finger, holding Adam’s hand to his mouth and breathing warmth against it.

“Very much.”

They find a clear spot in the park and make sandwiches together with fresh crusty bread and soft cheeses. Adam packs two proper mugs with his thermos of hot chocolate and pours one for them each. Lucas kisses the sweetness from his mouth more than once, his hunger never quite sated even when his appetite is. They lay in the grass together, feeding each other little morsels of fruit and a gingerbread man bought from the bakery. Adam brings a book about star systems with him, and Lucas spends the afternoon poring over it, one hand carding through Adam’s hair as he dozes in his lap.

When the sun sets and the chill spikes, Lucas helps Adam pack up their things, stealing as many touches and kisses as he can along the way.

“Will you stay with me again tonight?” Adam asks.

“I have to go back to my hotel and get some fresh clothes,” Lucas replies, “would you like to come with me? You could sleep there.”

Adam shakes his head. “I don’t like sleeping in strange beds.”

Lucas doesn’t push, he has no desire to force Adam into doing anything that could make him uncomfortable, but all the same he dreads the thought of spending a cold night without him when so few remain.

“I’ll come back first thing in the morning,” he offers, and the pout that had been hanging around Adam’s mouth quickly lifts.

They part with reluctance after several insistent kisses and a repeated promise to return. Lucas spends the evening staring at the unfamiliar ceiling, wondering how he has fallen so swiftly and irrevocably. He hopes that Adam is thinking the same thing.

He is.

Neither of them think about what little time they have left together, except for when they do, and the pain hits fresh points inside them every time.

They both sleep very poorly indeed.

-x-

_3 Days Until Christmas_

At 5:47 in the morning, Lucas’s hotel room phone rings.

He swings an arm out to answer, bleary-eyed and groggy.

“Hallo?” he mumbles, accent thick and sleep-roughened.

“Lucas?”

He bolts upright at the sound of Adam’s voice.

“Adam! Are you alright?”

There is a pause and a brief shuffle at the other end of the line. He hears Adam huff out a little sigh.

“I missed you last night.”

Lucas cradles the phone to his shoulder and tries to send his smile through. “I missed you too.”

“I know you’re leaving soon,” Adam works hard to keep the tremble from his voice, “but I thought maybe you could stay with me until you do?”

Lucas doesn’t think twice.

“Yes.”

He packs his suitcase and checks out of the hotel within the hour.

Thirty minutes later he knocks on Adam’s door. When he opens, Lucas barrels through and they stagger together, mouths joined and seeking. He almost forgets his suitcase in the hall until Adam tears his mouth free to remind him.

“Are you sure about this?” Lucas asks, the castors clicking loudly as they roll over the hardwood.

“If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have asked,” Adam says simply. “Besides,” he adds, “it’s only for three days.”

The moment he says it, his face falls. Lucas gathers him into his arms and attempts to smudge away the sadness that lingers around them both.

“Three whole days,” Lucas exclaims, trying to bolster some cheer into them both, “so many more things to do.” He kisses Adam’s temple. “What should we do first?”

Adam considers, thumb between his teeth, before he settles on an answer.

“I’d like to have sex with you,” he says decisively, “can we do that?”

His eyes are wide and earnest, and Lucas finds himself both at a loss for words and more than a little aroused.

“God, Adam, yes. Yes.”

“Good,” Adam perches on his toes to kiss him anew, “I think I have all the necessary supplies. I have condoms and lubrication. I’ve never had sex with a man before but I did some research last night – I couldn’t sleep very well without you – but I think I know what to do. It’s still sex.” He stops for breath and looks at Lucas, suddenly bashful. “Am I talking about this too much?”

Lucas shakes his head. “No, dearest.” His eyes darken. “But we can stop talking for now.”

He bends to kiss Adam, soft at first, but steadily firmer, opening their mouths together and seeking the velvet warmth inside. Adam wraps an arm around Lucas’s neck and presses his other hand to the firm expanse of his chest. Lucas’s hands skate down Adam’s spine to his plush bottom, and he caresses the round swell of flesh before grabbing his ass with both hands and lifting him from the ground. Adam lets himself be lifted, laughing as he goes, and twining his legs around Lucas’s hips.

They stumble through to the bedroom, mouths meshing as they go, Adam’s hands dragging through the fine strands of Lucas’s hair and pulling gently. Lucas tosses him to the bed and dives atop, Adam laughs brightly and reaches for him, carefully removing his glasses and setting them aside. Lucas smiles at the gestures and kisses Adam’s palm, nipping lightly at the tip of his thumb.

Slowly, they peel the layers of thick sweaters and shirts from each other until they are laying together skin on skin. Adam’s fingers run through the dusting of hair over Lucas’s chest and he pinches a nipple teasingly. Lucas groans as he sucks a kiss to Adam’s throat.

“Trouble,” he murmurs, “beautiful trouble.”

His erection is pressing insistently on the inside of his jeans, and he reaches a hand down to unbutton himself, only to find Adam pushing his hand aside to tug his pants open, pulling down the zipper and reaching a hand inside to grasp him.

Lucas’s chin drops to his chest and he groans.

“Adam…”

Adam’s mouth curves in a feline grin and he begins to stroke him, pulling the foreskin back and down to reveal a shining pink head.

“Will you let me suck you?” Adam asks, and the question alone almost makes Lucas come then and there.

He nods mutely, divests himself quickly of his pants and flops back to the bed. Adam kneels eagerly between his legs.

“I’ve never seen a foreskin before,” he observes, “from what I’ve read that should mean that this,” he slips the silky skin back and darts the tip of his tongue against the head, “is very sensitive.”

Lucas proves his hypothesis with a desperate grown and a worshipful cry of Adam’s name. He licks his tongue out again, tasting in little flicks, before bringing him into the velvety warmth of his mouth.

Lucas is careful, much as he wants to thrust deep into his throat, he knows that Adam has never done this before and he doesn’t want to scare him off. Adam wraps a hand around the base of his cock and strokes as he licks and sucks, sloppy wet noises escaping his mouth. Lucas sinks fingers into his curls and sighs heavy.

“God,” he moans, “so beautiful.”

Adam smiles around his cock and sucks harder. Lucas cries out and holds himself still.

“Adam,” he breathes, “skat, stop…” Adam looks up at him questioningly, lips still wrapped around his cock. Lucas swears loudly.

“Nothing wrong, darling, but I won’t last long if you keep doing that.”

Adam blinks once, nods in understanding, and slowly pulls his mouth off Lucas’s cock, one last hard suck as he pops free. Lucas drags him up his body and kisses him rough and hard, plunging his tongue deep and stroking wetly. Adam writhes against him, his own erection thrusting insistently through his pants against Lucas’s thigh. Lucas wraps a hand around him through the thin fabric of his pajama pants and Adam groans into his mouth. With scrabbling hands, they pull him free quickly and send the last scrap of clothing flying across the room. They lay together, reveling in the feeling of warm skin pressed against each other, cocks sliding together and seeking more heat. Adam sits up, straddling Lucas’s thighs and leans over his side. Lucas follows him with his mouth, sucking and biting lightly at a pebbled nipple.

Adam jerks pleasantly at the touch, steadying himself as he opens his bedside drawer and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom. He places both on the bed beside him, and Lucas wastes no time in flipping them both so he hovers over Adam’s flushed, naked body. He is so beautiful. Lucas tells him so, and is rewarded by the flush spreading across Adam’s cheeks and a hand pressed over his eyes.

“I’m not,” he protests, and Lucas peels the hand from his eyes, holding it to his own cheek.

“You are,” Lucas insists, his free hand moving in a long caress from his jaw to his hip. Adam smiles, laying back spreading his legs. He reaches for the bottle and hands it to him.

“I trust you,” he says, and Lucas’s heart cracks wide open.

He pushes Adam’s thighs wide and nestles between them, drizzling lube over his fingers. He meets Adam’s eyes, wild and dark with arousal.

“Ready?”

Adam sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and nods. Lucas pushes a finger into him slowly and Adam throws his head back with a little moan.

He pushes his finger in further, watching the pink skin around it suck him in. He works it slowly in and out, going a little deeper each time, letting Adam adjust to him. He kneads Adam’s thigh as he goes and feels the tension bleed out of him. When Adam’s legs drop open a little more, he adds a second slickened finger. Adam molds around him and pulls his fingers in, his breath coming out in short little pants.

“Mmm,” he says, “feels good.”

Lucas crooks his fingers a little and seeks, spreading and stretching as he goes. When he finds the bundle of nerves he gives it a little rub, and Adam jerks under him.

“OH!” he shouts, eyes snapping open, “ _Lucas_ , that’s… _aah_ …”

Lucas keeps rubbing the sweet spot inside him, watching as Adam’s cock bobs against his stomach. As Adam grows pliant under his fingers he adds a third, stretching a little wider and smiling as he keens with pleasure.

“Look at you,” Lucas marvels, “so lovely.”

When he is near boneless, Lucas rises, licking a wide stripe up Adam’s cock as he goes. He tears the condom from the wrapper and rolls it down, slicking himself with lube.

“Are you ready for me, dearest?”

Adam meets his eyes and nods eagerly.

“Yes,” he breathes, “ _please_.”

“I’ll go slow,” he promises, kissing him deeply as he starts to push in.

When he enters him, Adam makes a breathy little ‘oh’ sound, overwhelmed. Lucas soothes him, running a hand along his side and dotting kisses along his jaw.

“Lucas,” Adam whispers, “you feel…” His breath catches in his throat and he swallows thickly. He arches his back a little and draws Lucas in further. Adam cries out at the sensation. “You feel so good,” he murmurs, grabbing at Lucas’s ass and pulling him even deeper.

“Oh!” Lucas swears a kiss into the curve of his shoulder. “I can feel you inside me, Lucas, it’s-” his voice catches and breaks sweetly, “it’s so good, so so good, I can’t – _oh_!”

Lucas pushes up with one hand so he can see Adam’s face, watches him melt into rapture. He is incredibly beautiful. He dips and twists their mouths together, licking into the softness of Adam’s mouth as he slips further inside him. He swallows each moan of pleasure, taking it into himself and feeding it back, trembling at the heat and tightness that surrounds him.

Adam keeps babbling to near incoherence, how amazing, how good, how big Lucas feels and how he wants to take more, more, _more_.

Lucas gives it to him gladly, and Adam bucks up sharply. He grips the rise of Adam’s hipbone and holds him there as he seats himself fully, tearing his mouth free to cry out, both curse and praise.

“Adam,” he swears, “ _God_ , Adam, you-” Adam flutters and squeezes down on his cock and Lucas’s eyes roll into the back of his head.

Never in his life could Lucas have dreamed this. This, Adam, the bliss that he nurtures and cultivates in Lucas’s heart. It is impossibly, painfully perfect.

Slowly he pulls back, feeling the tightness of Adam’s ass grip him, and equally slow he pushes back in. Adam’s wraps his legs around the back of Lucas’s thighs as he rises to meet each thrust. Between them, he feels Adam’s cock brush wetly against his belly, leaking heavily between them both.

“Faster,” Adam whispers into his ear, digging his nails into Lucas’s back, “please fuck me faster.”

The unexpected expletive coils heat down Lucas’s spine and he growls. “You want me to fuck you, my darling?”

“Yes,” Adam groans, “yes Lucas, please fuck me.”

The muscles in his back shift and twitch under his skin as he pushes himself up on both arms, changing his angle to deliver quick, punishing thrusts that rub against Adam’s prostate, knocking a delirious shout free with each thrust. Every electric brush over that delicious spot inside him pushes another drop of fluid from Adam’s dripping cock, the slick spreading between their stomachs.

Adam curls a hand to tug at himself as Lucas fucks into him, rubbing his thumb over the shining head and biting his lip at the liquid warmth pooling in his belly.

“So good,” Adam croaks out again, grabbing out blindly with his free hand, “Lucas… ‘m gonna come…”

His hand grows more erratic as he thrusts into the tunnel of his fist in tandem with Lucas’s movements. Lucas watches him, watches the pleasure play over his face, eyes squeezed shut and face sheened with sweat.

“Adam,” he murmurs, and shifts his weight to hold Adam’s face in his palm, “look at me.”

Adam shakes his head, and Lucas moves his hand lower, lower, to gently graze his thumb over the scarlet head of Adam’s cock as it peeks from his fist.

Adam’s eyes fly open and his mouth opens in a silent cry.

He comes between them, bowing from the bed as his cock pulses, ribbons of white striping between them, painting their chests and bellies. Lucas moans and thrusts heavy and deep, bottoming out and holding tight as the gorgeous vision of Adam coming triggers his own release.

Adam scrabbles desperately with wiry limbs and holds Lucas to him, both of them shaking from a violent ecstasy that rips through them both like a hurricane. Adam presses kisses to Lucas’s hair as he pants hard, raising his head to rejoin their mouths, lips opening and meeting sloppy and wet.

Together they lay in sated silence, comforting touches running along the lines of sweat-soaked skin, kisses cooling to cat-like nuzzles mingled with wide smiles.

“That was perfect,” Lucas whispers. He pulls out of Adam with a wince and Adam makes a plaintive mewl at the loss. He makes quick work of the condom, tying it off neatly and tossing it in the nearby trash. Adam rolls with him and curls into Lucas’s side, uncaring of the sticky mess between them.

“I’m sorry,” Adam murmurs, “I don’t normally swear like that.”

Lucas chuckles and drags his fingers over the ridges of Adam’s spine. “Don’t be sorry, dearest. It was very…” he searches for a dignified word and gives up. “I liked it.”

“Oh,” Adam says thoughtfully, “good.”

They drift in out of consciousness in the lull of afterglow, sated and happy.

“What shall we do for the rest of the day?” Lucas asks sleepily.

“This,” Adam sighs against his chest, “just this.”

-x-

_2 Days Before Christmas_

Lucas runs down to the bakery on the corner right as it opens, still in his pajamas, hair mussed and wild. The girl behind the counter greets him with a wry smile.

“Either you’re celebrating or you’re in trouble,” she teases.

Lucas quirks an eyebrow and winks. He buys a half dozen pastries, including Adam’s favourite, and tips her well.

“Say hi to Adam for me!” she calls after him, and Lucas almost trips over his own grin.

He brings Adam breakfast in bed along with fresh made hot chocolate, waking him with nuzzling kisses and endearments. Adam arches against him and sniffs. He inhales again and his eyes open slowly, a lazy smile stretching over his face.

“You got me elephant ears,” he murmurs happily, and Lucas hands him the pastry on a small plate.

“I did, skat,” he replies, bumping their noses together. Adam takes a bite, offering one to Lucas in turn, and they kiss the sugar crystals from each other’s mouths. Adam discovers how much he enjoys licking sugar from Lucas’s body – and having it lapped from his skin in return – and they make a pleasant mess of each other, laughing at the crumbs left in their wake.

They eventually make it out of bed, but don’t go far, content to cuddle on the sofa together and read. Lucas delves back into the book Adam had lent him and reads aloud upon request. Adam rests his head on Lucas’s thigh and closes his eyes as fingers ruffle through his curls. When his voice tires, Lucas sets the book down and he watches Adam, relaxed and happy and entirely beautiful. Adam reaches up and folds their hands together, stroking the ridges of Lucas’s knuckles.

“Why do you want to go back? After what they did to you?”

The words are said quietly, but Lucas hears them clear as day, as much as he wishes he could pretend not to.

“My son is there,” he replies, “he lives with his mother but I can still see him. From time to time,” he adds, not disclosing the fact that his visits with Marcus have grown few and far between and not by Lucas’s own choice.

“Oh. Couldn’t he visit you if you lived-” the pause is heavy and weighted, “somewhere else?”

Lucas curls Adam’s fingers between his own and squeezes.

“He could, I suppose,” he admits.

“And you could find a place that makes you happy.”

Adam’s points are valid, and he’s not even trying to argue, there isn’t an ounce of selfishness in his tone. He genuinely wants to know why Lucas would go back to a place that would make him sad.

“I’ve never lived anywhere else,” Lucas says quietly. He almost says he doesn’t know where he would go instead, but it would be a lie.

There’s a place here in his heart already.

Adam is silent for a while. When they’re lulled in a place just between asleep and awake, he speaks again.

“I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

Lucas places a gentle hand to his jaw and bends to draws him into a kiss, stirring at the flame that had dwindled with drowsiness. He takes Adam to bed and makes love to him with a fierce and claiming desperation that brings him close to weeping.

After Adam drifts to sleep in his arms, Lucas lets the tears slip free, heavy and silent.

-x-

_Christmas Eve_

They sleep in until almost noon, unwilling to leave the warm cocoon of arms and legs and bedcovers. When Lucas finally rises with reluctance, he finds himself having to peel Adam from him. The man cuddles like an octopus, and he adores every clinging limb.

He heads to the shower, and Adam joins him minutes later. They stand under the spray and kiss languidly, tongues stroking wet with the glide of water between them. When Adam sinks to his knees and wraps kiss-reddened lips around Lucas’s cock, he loses all care of cleanliness, raking through his damp curls and sliding, grabbing tight but not too hard. Adam licks at him with an eager and clever mouth, and when he brings a hand around to stroke alongside his velvet-soft tongue, Lucas sees stars.

He comes quickly and violently, and Adam swallows him to the hilt, wiping at the corner of his mouth with a satisfied grin as he lets him slip free. When water the starts to run cold, Lucas finishes up and scoops Adam into his arms. He wraps him in a fluffy towel, carries him to the bed and buries his mouth between his thighs, licking and sucking until Adam is a writhing incoherent mess and entirely filthy all over again.

Hours later, after yet another shower and a hearty meal, they snuggle together on the couch with mugs of hot chocolate and watch _Miracle on 34 th Street_. Adam lays his head in Lucas’s lap and makes contented hums as long fingers card through his hair.

“I’d like to go to church tonight.”

Adam looks at him questioningly. “I didn’t think you believed in God.”

Lucas shrugs. “I’m not really sure if I do anymore. But it’s more of a tradition than anything else. Would you like to come with me?”

Adam has been to church a few times and he always finds it uncomfortable. It’s draughty and cold, they say words that he doesn’t know; he always feels two steps behind and it makes him nervous. Sensing his apprehension, Lucas soothes a hand along the bend of his shoulder and down his arm.

“You don’t have to, Adam. If you’re not comfortable.”

“Will you help me with the words?”

He says it quickly without looking up, worrying his lip between his teeth. Lucas’s eyes crinkle at the corners.

“What words, skat?”

Adam releases his lip and his fingers curl in fits and starts at his side. “When you go to church there’s words that everybody knows. Usually I’m good at learning words, but they don’t have a book everybody just knows already and it makes me nervous and I feel-” he pauses to take a gulp of breath, “I feel very alone.”

Lucas strokes his hair, affection brimming over and spilling from his insides. “The last time I was at church I felt very alone too.” He kisses Adam’s cheek tenderly. “We don’t have to go.”

“But you – you want to.”

“I do,” Lucas admits, “but I want to be with you more.”

Adam thinks of the little things that Lucas has already learned to do for him, the way he knows – after barely a week – to press close to him when he is scared. He remembers the story Lucas told him about the church at Christmas in Denmark, and he suddenly wishes he could see the people who so unfairly shunned him, just to tell them how terrible he thinks they are. Since he can’t do that, he settles on the best alternative.

“I’ll go,” Adam says, and chooses his words carefully, “because I think you need to. You want to go and see that nothing bad will happen. And it won’t.” He looks up at Lucas from underneath his lashes. “I won’t let it.”

Lucas smiles and draws his thumb up to trace the delicate lines of Adam’s brow, watching his dark lashes flutter at the touch.

“We’ll go to a church that doesn’t have many words,” he offers, and Adam nods, settling for the compromise. He tilts his chin to beg a kiss, and Lucas bestows several upon him, each one small and grateful and altogether loving.

They find a small church close by and walk there hand-in-hand. With every few steps Lucas lifts their joined fingers to place a kiss to Adam’s knuckles. The church is almost full when they arrive, and they seat themselves in a pew close to the back. Adam twitches a little as he settles and Lucas sets a warm hand to his knee.

When the choir beings to sing Lucas tries to fight off the memories, but halfway through the service he feels tears beginning to slide down his cheeks.

“Lucas,” Adam says with alarm, “you’re sad.” He wraps his hands around Lucas’s arm and presses his cheek to his shoulder. “Please don’t be sad. No one will hurt you here.”

The words, spoken so innocently, undo him, and Lucas exhales a sob as quietly as he can. He presses the heel of his palm to his mouth and shakes his head, eyes squeezed tightly shut. Adam makes a small sound of distress and Lucas tries breathe.

“It’s just a memory of sadness,” Adam offers quietly, his thumbs stroking the inside of Lucas’s arm. “I’m here with you now.”

Lucas nods and Adam tugs his arm gently.

“Lucas, please open your eyes,” Adam pleads, “look at the candles with me.”

Lucas looks up at the multitude of candles that are lit at the altar, and the pillars that hang in sconces around the walls.

“Do you see, that cluster of candles there?” Adam whispers. “The way their light shines, they look a bit like Ursa Minor. And those ones – hanging there? Orion’s belt.”

He picks easy constellations, one’s he’s already taught Lucas that he’s sure he will remember. Slowly the grief disappears from Lucas’s face. He sees the church how Adam sees it and -

“It’s beautiful,” he whispers.

“See?” Adam says, “Now you have a new memory.”

Lucas turns and kisses Adam’s cheek, a brief but fond touch.

“Thank you.”

Adam’s hand uncurls from around his arm and he clasps their fingers together.

“You’re welcome,” Adam replies, “now I have a new memory too.”

-x-

_Christmas Day_

“Adam.”

Lucas nudges his shoulder blade with his nose.

“Dearest, it’s Christmas.”

He lays a line of kisses down the slope of Adam’s shoulder and back up, lingering at his lips. Adam murmurs sleepily into the kiss and his mouth curves up.

“Mmm,” he cracks one eye open, “do we have to get out of bed?”

Lucas laughs gently. “No, skat, but you do have to open your present.”

Adam’s eyes fly open. “Present?” he exclaims with alarm. “But I didn’t get you anything!”

His body begins to tremble with panic and Lucas sets a firm palm to his back, stroking reassuringly. “Of course you didn’t,” he soothes, “I didn’t expect you to.”

Adam whimpers a little and squirms. “But you got me one.”

“Hush,” Lucas says, “here.”

He reaches into his bag by the bedside and lifts out a small green bag lined with red tissue, gently pushing it into Adam’s hands. Adam opens it carefully and pulls the contents free.

It’s an ornament, a small glass globe that has an intricately detailed galaxy painted inside. The detail is astonishing, rich plums and sapphires against a wide black, with sparkling silver-white stars.

“Lucas,” Adam says softly, “it’s beautiful.” His eyes grow wet and he worries a lip between his teeth. “I really wish I’d gotten you something.”

He turns the ornament over in his hands, watching the light catch off the stars. Suddenly an idea flares to life and Adam hops out of bed with a start, rummaging through his dresser.

Lucas watches him perplexed. “Adam?”

Adam ignores him and keeps digging until he makes a triumphant sound.

“Yes!” he exclaims, and pulls a small box from the drawer. It’s plain cardboard, flat and square and worn around the edges.

He sits back down next to Lucas, hooking his chin over his shoulder, and hands him the box.

“Here,” he says, with a nudge, “open it.”

He lifts the lid carefully, and inside is a silver star, a little larger than his palm. One of the points is just slightly bent from years of wear and care.

“It’s the first star my Dad ever got me,” Adam explains, “we used to put it on our tree, but since I don’t have one I just keep it here.”

He reaches and folds Lucas’s fingers around it.

“It’s yours now. Merry Christmas.”

Lucas’s breath catches in his throat and his eyes shine. “Adam, I can’t – I can’t take this.”

“You’re not taking it,” Adam replies, “I’m giving it to you. I want you to have it.”

He runs his fingers over the smooth metal of the star in awe, unable to speak.

“Besides,” Adam adds, “if I decide I want it back then you’ll have to come back to give it to me.”

His eyes are downcast and he picks at the covers with his free hand. Lucas sets the star down gently and turns over his shoulder, cupping Adam’s cheek in his palm.

“Then I hope you decide you want it back soon,” he says, hoping Adam can feel all of the longing that stirs inside him.

He does, catching his mouth in a bruising kiss. He pushes Lucas back to the bed and sets to work memorizing every inch of his skin.

He starts with his hands, strong yet delicate. Hands that have learned quickly how to stir him into a frenzy with the simplest of touches. He presses each fingertip to his lips and burns their imprint upon him.

He strokes his arms, deceptively well-muscled, the slope of his broad shoulders and the solid expanse of his chest, all perfectly shaped to hold and protect him. He nuzzles his face into the dusting of curls that he’s grown to love. He never thought he’d find chest hair so appealing, but he’s never felt safer than when he’s burrowed in the soft fluff.

When he moves to Lucas’s legs, kissing from ankle to hip, he watches his cock begin to thicken as he reaches the juncture of his thighs. He rubs his face against it once, twice, before continuing his journey down again. Lucas starts to pant lightly, moans spilling out a little louder as Adam circles back on his path.

When he greets his cock again he is almost fully hard, and he wraps his fingers around it, rubbing it against his parted lips. Lucas chokes out his name as he strokes his foreskin back, sliding the soft skin there and taking him partway into his mouth.

Lucas stays him with a gentle hand to the side of his head.

“Adam,” he breathes, “let me make love to you.”

Adam’s eyes shine and he lets out a shaky breath. The words rock him to the core. He never knew what that had meant, when people said ‘ _making love_ ’, and now he knows and it scares him how deeply he knows it. Crawling up Lucas’s body, he kisses him deep and lush, bringing the hand that holds his face to his mouth, sucking two fingers wetly before guiding them between his legs. He braces his knees wide to hold Lucas’s thighs between them and sits up tall, moaning low in his throat as he lets Lucas finger him open.

They don’t speak except in muted whispers of each other’s name, Adam licks at his parted lips and presses back against the fingers inside him. He meets Lucas’s eyes and shudders, cock jerking sharp against his belly.

A gentle arch of an eyebrow, a nod are all that passes between them. Lucas withdraws his fingers and discreetly slicks himself, holding his breath as Adam slowly sinks down onto him. Each inch earns a warm shiver from them both, gooseflesh breaking across Adam’s arms even as the heat engulfs him. He splays his palms flat over Lucas’s chest, and when he is seated to the hilt, he bends, brushing their lips together in an oath that is pledged unspoken.

When Adam starts to move, they both cry out. Adam slides his hands up and laces their fingers together over Lucas’s head, sweat beading at their foreheads and mingling. They make love slowly and reverently, and with every thrust, the words loosen themselves from Lucas’ throat. He tells Adam how beautiful he is, how strong and smart and kind. He tells him the words he can’t say with each joining of their bodies and hears the response in kind. Adam clings to him, desperate and pleading, and when Lucas slips a hand between them he feels him begin to shake apart.

Lucas pushes them to sitting, one hand braced against Adam’s back, the other encircling his cock. He hold Adam close, mouthing kisses along his jaw, his breastbone, his heart. When Adam comes, it’s on the edge of a sob, and he clings tight as wet heat rushes between their bodies. Lucas steers him through, stroking the ridge of his spine as he trembles. Adam tightens around him and Lucas comes silently, mouth pressed to Adam’s heart. Neither speak of the tears that mingle with their kisses after.

That night he watches Adam sleep, angelic and peaceful and entirely his, and he bares his soul in the dark.

“Jeg elsker dig,” he whispers, and he means those three words more than anything he’s ever meant in his life.

-x-

_Boxing Day_

Adam wakes with a coldness set deep in his bones, despite the warmth of the duvet atop and Lucas surrounding him. He looks at the clock. 6am. Five hours until Lucas has to leave. He makes a pained noise and burrows further into his arms, drowning out the world except for the few feet either side of them. Lucas startles at the noise and automatically tightens his embrace. He kisses the top of Adam’s head and listens to the quiet breathing, the stillness outside.

He doesn’t want to go.

He could lay with him a little longer, and he knows he will, but eventually he will need to get up and remember the world outside. He’ll have to dress, and pack, and leave. Leave this bed, leave New York, leave America.

Leave Adam.

He swallows hard and lets them be still for a while longer. They can spare an hour. He needs one more hour.

When he begins to stir and fidget, Lucas pulls himself up to sit, tugging Adam with him. Adam tangles their legs and arms, coiling as tight as possible. The noise he makes, the same as earlier but louder and more urgent, breaks off another piece of Lucas’s heart.

“Adam,” he says quietly.

Adam shakes his head and Lucas feels the wetness smearing his shoulder. He laces a gentle hand through Adam’s curls and pulls him back.

His beautiful blue eyes are bright with pain, tears spilling fresh and hot.

“I-” Lucas begins, but he can’t finish the words.

There aren’t any words. Adam sniffles a little and blinks out more tears.

“I’ll come back,” Lucas offers feebly, and Adam looks away.

“Please don’t lie,” he whispers.

Lucas’s heart splinters and each shard pierces a different part of him.

“Adam, I’m not lying.” He leans in and strokes away the wetness on Adam’s face with the pad of his thumb. “I want to come back.”

Adam shrinks back from the touch. “Just because you say you want to doesn’t mean you will.”

Lucas sighs and falls back against the bed. He doesn’t have a fair response to that. Adam pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, chin jutted out to rest atop.

They sit there for a moment, a terrible impasse lying heavy between them. Finally, Lucas strips back the covers and gets out of bed.

“I have to pack, dearest.”

Adam doesn’t respond, but he makes a pitiful mewl in the back of his throat. Lucas kneels beside him.

“Come to the airport with me?”

Adam shakes his head. “I don’t want to.” He lifts his chin and looks at Lucas, at how urgently he’s pleading.

“I really don’t want to,” he says again, “but I will.”

They make it to JFK with time to spare, despite a hurried session of lovemaking amidst the clothes Lucas haphazardly stuffs in his suitcase. Adam holds his hand as they approach the check-in. Lucas can already feel his heart hammering in his chest.

He checks his bag and gets his ticket in order, and Adam walks him to the first security checkpoint, as far as he is able to go.

Before they can say a word, Adam reaches up and pulls at Lucas to bring his mouth into a frantic and claiming kiss. He refuses to let go, clawing at Lucas’s hair and pouring his desperation into his mouth. Lucas takes fistfuls of Adam’s jacket and holds them tight together. He cannot let go. He will not let go.

When they tear apart for breath, Adam keeps his fingers deeply twined and holds Lucas close. He bites at his kiss-reddened lips and steadfastly tries to blink away his tears.

There are so many things Adam wants to say, so many things he is feeling that he doesn’t quite ever remember feeling. He thinks of when his father talked about love after his mother died, about the great chasm it leaves in your heart.

He wishes he didn’t finally understand what his father had meant, even as he feels his own heart pull free of its moorings and tear itself in two.

“When I look at the stars,” Lucas says, “I will always think of you.”

Adam tries to smile. “Will you look at the stars every night?”

“Every night. Every day.”

“You can’t see the stars during the day,” Adam protests.

Lucas attempts a smile of his own as he strokes Adam’s face. “That doesn’t mean they aren’t there.”

Adam leans into the touch, turns and kisses Lucas’s palm.

“I’ll miss you,” he says, “very much.”

“Thank you,” Lucas replies, “for everything you have given me. I-” he stops himself, unsure of how cruel it would be to say the words without a certainty of his return.

“I have loved every moment with you,” he murmurs, bending to kiss Adam once more.

When he pulls away, his eyes are full and wet with sorrow.

“I love you,” Adam says, his honesty crushing Lucas to the core yet again.

“Oh, Adam,” Lucas whispers, “I don’t want to go.”

Adam looks at him quizzically. “So don’t go,” he says, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

He says it without guile, without agenda. He hears the problem and offers the solution. Lucas shakes his head with a watery smile.

“I have to,” he says, but for the life of him he can’t come up with a good reason why.

“Okay,” Adam bows his head, resigned. There is no fight in him, if Lucas says he has to, then he has to. It’s not his place to stop him, no matter how badly he wants to.

They say a final goodbye, and Lucas places his bag on the belt along with his shoes, puts his glasses in a little plastic bowl and passes through the scanner as a TSA agent waves him through. When he clears the space, he turns to see Adam watching him with sad, adoring eyes. He gives a little wave.

He looks so far away.

Lucas tries not to think about how every step he takes will take him even farther away. He pulls his shoes from the conveyor belt and steps into them. Adam still stares.

He slings his bag over his shoulder and slips his glasses back over his nose.

Adam waves again, a little thing with a crinkle of his fingertips. Lucas waves back and turns away.

He takes one step, then another. Each one grows more difficult until he feels as though he is dragging his feet through molasses.

 _So don’t go_.

He keeps walking, but as he walks he thinks of Adam, of the life he will lead without him, full of stars and blue-eyed smiles and the occasional tender thought directed his way. He thinks of himself, and the cold and unwelcome life waiting for him across the sea.

He thinks of the new life, the one that he doesn’t have. The one he hasn’t even let himself dream about. It would be ridiculous to think it. Insane. They’ve known each other barely more than a week.

And yet.

He loves Adam. Adam loves him.

 _So don’t go_.

He has no place to live, no job, no more than what is in his pockets and the bag hanging from his shoulder.

But he has Adam.

Lucas stops walking.

He turns slowly on his heel and tries placing one foot in the other direction. It’s wonderfully, beautifully easy. He takes another step, faster, faster still, until he is running back through the checkpoint and towards the only thing in his life he’s certain of.

“Adam!” he cries out, bag jostling and thumping against his back. “ADAM!”

A face pops up from the bustling crowd and Lucas’s world stops.

“Lucas!”

Adam barrels towards him, tossing out apologies at the people he shoves aside along the way. Lucas runs even faster until he reaches him, scoops him up into his arms and lifts him high, clutching him tight. Adam makes a high, pitched cry of elation, and he lowers his head to kiss Lucas full and deep.

Their tears mingle with laughter and slowly, carefully, Lucas lets Adam slip to the ground. He stays on his toes and presses kisses to every inch of Lucas’s face.

“Lucas,” he breathes, “you’re staying?”

“You told me not to go,” Lucas says, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

He pulls Adam tight and breathes him in. His heart knits itself together and holds fast in his chest. Lucas sighs.

He is home.

-x-

_364 Days After Christmas_

_‘Oh there’s no place like home for the holidays, for no matter how far away you roam_

_If you want to be happy in a million ways–’_

“Mmn, five more minutes.”

Lucas reaches over Adam’s shoulder and hits snooze on the alarm. They have the whole day to celebrate, and all the time in the world after that. A little indulgent snuggling never hurt anyone. Adam nestles himself back into Lucas’s arms, rubbing his cheek in contentment against his chest. Lucas twines fingers through his hair and pets gently.

“Merry Christmas, dearest,” he murmurs into his hair.

Adam smiles and nuzzles catlike with a pleased little hum.

“Merry Christmas.”

They drag themselves from bed after a morning of languid and lazy lovemaking, Lucas makes them breakfast while Adam showers. It’s growing harder to find the handle on the fridge with the myriad of drawings pinned there, but he hardly minds. Each one is a treasure and he couldn’t bear to part with any. He traces a finger over the latest one, an erratically angled Christmas tree drawn in bold green marker, dotted with an uneven sprinkling of garish ornaments. Atop the tree is a bright yellow star. It matches the one in their living room, in spirit at least, although the star on their tree is silver and slightly bent at one corner. It’s perfect.

Next to the tree, holding hands, are two men, one with glasses and one with curly hair. The drawing reads, “ _Merry Christmas to Mr. Lucas and Adam. Love, Kira_.”

Adam pads into the kitchen behind him and winds his arms around Lucas’s waist.

“You like that one the best,” he observes.

Lucas slides a hand over the slight ones squeezing him tight. “Yes, I think I do.”

“Why? Because it has me in it?” he asks, knowing full well the answer.

He feels the smile Adam presses between his shoulder blades, the kiss that comes after.

“Yes,” Lucas replies, shifting and turning over his head to place a half-kiss of his own at the corner of Adam’s mouth, “but you know that.”

“I do,” Adam acknowledges, “but I like to hear you say it.”

Lucas takes Adam’s right hand in his and brings it to his lips, smiling as the morning light glints off the gold band on his finger. He turns Adam in his arms to face him, looks into those beautiful, adoring blue eyes.

“You are the greatest gift I ever received, my love.”

They kiss long and deep, drunk on love and each other and their unbelievably good fortune. Lucas slides a hand around the back of Adam’s neck and holds fast, determined to never let go. Adam sighs happily against his mouth.

“Jeg elsker dig,” he whispers, and Lucas blinks in surprise.

“I’m learning,” Adam says shyly, “it’s only fair.”

Lucas grins and brushes their lips together again.

“I love you too.”

Adam smiles, and a galaxy forms.


End file.
